Are You Married to a Narcissist and Seeking to Divorce?
What is a narcissist? Narcissistic Personality Disorder or ‘NPD” is a mental disorder where the person has very inflated self-esteem issue and a serious need for admiration and special treatment from other people. Typical arrogant behavior and lack of empathy for other people causes many problems in all emotional areas of their lives and relationships.
Narcissists are also very aggressive and usually have impulsive tendencies, dangerous lifestyles involving cockiness, selfishness, manipulation and power motives. These individuals are usually very exciting personalities at first meeting, but later cause unfulfilling relationships resulting in anxiety and depression at the end of the day.
You have met the “most exciting” person in the world who has self-esteem problems and can’t get along with anyone, including you! The big problem is that you married this person and now you MUST FIND A SOLUTION TO THIS SITUATION AND GET A DIVORCE!
The marriage adventure is over. Your married life to your narcissist was a total disaster and you know that you need to get a divorce. Are you frightened that you could very well lose everything in this divorce from hell since you may lack the manipulating skills that your narcissist spouse skillfully uses on all aspects of his/her manipulative lifestyle?
Before you start the Divorce battle with your narcissist, you must “Stop Feeling and Start Thinking”! You have been emotionally battered and mutilated for years by this spouse, but now is the time to take over your life and your children’s lives and decide that Your family DOES NOT AND WILL NOT TAKE THIS ABUSE ANYMORE FROM YOUR SPOUSE!
Here are some tips on planning your exit from this marriage and Win control of your life and your family lives.
- BE PREPARED! If you are thinking of going through with this divorce, start your preparations now! You need total knowledge of your family’s financial situation. On our website you can pull off a blog “Texas Divorce Financial Checklist” (http://www.divorcedallastx.com/texas-divorce-financial-checklist/) which will give you a guideline on your financial information needed. Update this information immediately. Know who makes what and where all monies and assets are located. All banking and account information should be update for correct account numbers and balances. This will help you determine how much money you will need to live on and what you can plan on your part of the assets. This will also give you an idea on what funds you can use to hire a competent attorney to help you get through the divorce.
- RESEARCH PRIORITY ISSUES! Educate yourself on divorce issues, such as child custody and visitation, who gets the house, property separation, spousal maintenance and child support in your state. Prioritize what is important to you and prepare questions to ask an attorney on what your expectations should be. All or nothing does not work. Set Reasonable goals.
- START INTERVIEWING ATTORNEYS to find a good match to help you through this complicated divorce. Look for an attorney who deals with difficult family law cases concerning emotional/domestic abuse, high conflict individuals, or contested child custody. Even if you are served divorce papers, take your time finding an experienced attorney who will be your advocate in the divorce. DO NOT HIRE A NARCISSIST ATTORNEY! This would be a disaster!
- Help Plan your Divorce Game plan! No one knows your Narcissist spouse or family situation better than you. What arguments/facts will they come up with to hurt your position? Discuss your entire situation with you attorney and work together on your divorce approach. Your attorney will help you determine your final goals through experience from his previous experience in such matters.
- STAY REASONABLE AND TRY TO KEEP EMOTIONS STEADY! Don’t let your narcissist spouse turn you into a narcissist! You cannot win this way! Think logical, use true facts, and don’t go overboard financially battling with him/her. If this gets settled, goes to mediation, or ever a jury trial, it will be over and you will greatly improve your life.
You married a Narcissist and now you are divorcing him/her. You must be prepared knowing that your spouse will now be able to participate in the greatest show of their lives, “THE DIVORCE”. Your spouse will try to show what a horrible, ungrateful, unworthy person/parent you are and how badly you hurt your innocent victim/martyr spouse.
Irrelevant are your feelings and emotions. By thinking and planning your divorce strategy with a qualified attorney you will be prepared for battle and to live your life as you choose.
Remember the focal point of his/her narcissistic behavior is the fear of abandonment and threat to his/her self-worth. Be well-prepared for the battle ahead. The key is to not respond emotionally and let it drain you. Observe their behavior as a disorder, and don’t absorb it as a literal or personal attack on you.
If you mitigate for his/her drawn-out narcissistic rage and know that he/she may attempt to destroy you, you will less likely feel bullied or defeated. Be forewarned, you will be less victimized by something you expect.
IRA – 401K – Life Insurance and Probate in Texas
A common question to all Texas probate attorneys is, “What Letters of Testamentary do I need for my parent’s life insurance policies?” In Texas, a will controls the distribution of all assets in the probated estate. Certain assets are classified as non–probate assets and no Court intervention is required. The following are the most commonly used non–probate assets:
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- IRA’s
- 401K’s
- Life Insurance;
- Pension Plans; and
- Any assets placed in a separate trust.
These assets are not usually distributed by a will because the assets are contractual and pass free of probate. Individuals may freely designate any beneficiary they wish to receive these assets and when that individual dies, the money will be transferred directly to such beneficiary, if an individual designates his or her estate as the beneficiary the money passes through probate as dictated by the will.
Most life insurance policies and 401K’s will designate an individual’s estate as the third or fourth fee of probate. This is usually the default designation, which will be triggered if all the other residual beneficiaries die prior to the individual. If this happens, then the estate of the insured must be probated. Once the estate is probated, an executor is appointment, and the Court will issue Letters of Testamentary that the Life Insurance Company can use to support payment to the estate.
Even with non-probate assets, a will may be needed. Distribution will likely be more expensive and require multiple hearings. It is always the best practice to have a will for all estate assets, probate assets and non-probate assets.
It is important to constantly monitor who is appointed as beneficiary on your 401K and Life Insurance proceeds. If a Life Insurance Company or Employer is not informed of a divorce, then the former spouse may claim all the proceeds if the spouse is still listed as a beneficiary. The Life Insurance company or Employer will be protected from liability unless (1) the company or insurer received written notice that the beneficiary designation was invalid, and (2) the company or insurer failed to interplead the proceeds into the Court Registry.
Preparation and execution of a proper will is essential for your family and as back up for any non-probate assets such as life insurance, 401K’s, and pensions. Call the Dallas Texas probate attorneys at the Nacol Law Firm if you are having difficulty receiving payment from any of the above-mentioned non-probate assets since chances are the difficulties can be cured through the probate.
The Unknown Descendant that May Inherit?
Creating a Will is extremely important for individuals that have a sizeable estate in the Dallas and DFW metroplex. Time and time again, individuals refuse to properly prepare for death and do not see the proper preparation of a legal and valid will as a necessity.
When you refuse to prepare a Will, then your entire estate will pass through the intestate process. Intestate rules apply if: (1) there is no will, (2) the will does not completely dispose of the entire estate, or (3) there is a pretermitted child/adopted child born after the will’s execution.
In certain situations, a child born outside of a marriage may still claim inheritance rights per the rules of Intestate succession. Nonmarital children may establish inheritance rights from the alleged father if the presumption of paternity is proven in court. Paternity is presumed if one of the following elements are met per Tex. Fam. Code § 160.204:
- The child was born during (or within 300 days after) the marriage of the man and the child’s mother;
- During the first two years of the child’s life, the man continuously resided in the same household as the child and represented to others that the child was his; or
- The parties married after the Child’s birth and the man voluntarily asserted his paternity of the child in one of the following ways:
a. The assertion of paternity is in a record filed with the Bureau of Vital Statistics;
b. The man was voluntarily named as the Child’s father on the birth certificate; or
c. The man promised in a record to support the child as his own.
In many cases a child that was born out of wedlock may still inherit from the father’s estate if the above mentioned actions can be proved. Depending on the estate, this ability to prove the presumption of paternity can have a great impact on the allocation of the estate’s assets.
Paternity may be rebutted, even if the presumption is proved by a preponderance of evidence, by a DNA test. DNA testing is the only option to rebut the presumption of paternity. Depending on the estate and the desires of all parties involved, a Judge may order that the body be dug up for a DNA sample of the deceased. This is rare, but the Court does have the authority.
It is important to remember that the Statute of Limitations to establish inheritance rights or the presumption of paternity begins at the date in which the father died. The statute of limitations is four years, which mean any potential claim must be brought within four years of the individual’s death.
If you are a nonmarital child or born out of wedlock in the DFW area, you may still inherit as a matter of law. A will created prior to the birth of a nonmarital child will not cut off the child from his or her rightful inheritance. For situations like this please contact Nacol Law Firm to acquire an experienced attorney to navigate through intestacy laws and probate.
Texas Child Visitation Schedules that Work with a Parents Profession
Many professions create impositions on conservators making a standard possession order inapplicable and unworkable. The Court may deviate from a standard possession order if the order is inappropriate or unworkable in reference to the schedules of both the conservators and the child. Unique professions and irregular school schedules for children allow the Court to have flexibility to deviate from a standard possession order that is in the Best Interest of the Child. There are multiple ways in which the Court may depart from a standard possession order to fulfill the needs of all parties involved with the custody of the child.
First, the Family Code § 153.254 states that the Court will be allowed deference to modify the standard possession order if work schedules of either conservators or the school schedule of the child is irregular. The Court must attempt to narrowly tailor the modifications to keep the new possession order as similar to the standard possession order as possible. This instance most commonly occurs when the Managing Conservator and the Possessory Conservator cannot reach an agreement and one of the two Conservators has a unique profession such as a firefighter, police officer, or airline pilot. The working hours of these jobs allow the Court to modify the standard possession order even if both of the parties do not comply with the changes. The modifications must be made only if it is in the Best Interest of the Child.
Secondly, the standard possession order may always be modified if it is by the mutual agreement of both the Managing Conservator and Possessory Conservator. Family Code § 153.007 is the Agreed Parenting Plan Statute and allows for both parties to agree on a standard possession order for the child. This statute was passed to promote amicability in settlement for child custody issues and to give flexibility to the parents if they are willing to agree on custody terms. The Agreed Parenting Plan must be in the Best Interest of the Child for the Court to approve. If the Court grants the Agreed Parenting Plan then the Managing or Possessory Conservator will have a remedy as a matter of law for any violation of the agreement committed by either party.
Finally, both Conservators may enter into a Mediated Settlement Agreement under Family Code § 153.0071. A Mediated Settlement Agreement is the only time in which the Court will NOT look at the Best Interest of the Child when granting the custody agreement.
The Mediated Settlement Agreement § 153.0071 must be:
- In bold, underlined, and capital letters that the agreement is NOT REVOCABLE
- Signed by Both Parties to the agreement
- Signed by the lawyers (if represented) of each party
The Mediated Settlement Agreement is binding and not revocable so if the Conservators wish to go this route they must understand that what is in the agreement will be held as binding. This method can be used to modify or change a standard possession order and the Court will not look at the Best Interest of the Child regarding the agreement, unless there exists a credible threat of domestic violence.
These are the methods in which a unique possession order may be obtained to accommodate irregular schedules or working hours of both the conservators. Any possession order must be correctly drafted and all future contingencies must be accounted for. An experienced lawyer must be contacted to safeguard an individual’s custody rights of their children and to make sure that a fair custody arrangement is obtained.
What happens if you die without a will in Texas?
When a person dies without having made a will, property passes according to the criteria described in the Probate Code. Many people falsely believe that a surviving spouse or parent would take all the deceased’s property, especially if the children are young. That is not necessarily the case. The Texas Probate Code provides as follows:
On the intestate (without a will) death of one of the spouses to a marriage, the community property estate of the deceased spouse passes to the surviving spouse if:
1) no child or other descendant of the deceased spouse survives the deceased spouse; or
2) all surviving children and descendants of the deceased spouse are also children or descendants of the surviving spouse.
On the intestate death of one of the spouses to a marriage, if a child or other descendant of the deceased spouse survives the deceased spouse and the child or descendant is not a child or descendant of the surviving spouse, one-half of the community estate is retained by the surviving spouse and the other one-half passes to the children or descendants of the deceased spouse. The descendants shall inherit only such portion of said property to which they would be entitled under Section 43 of the Texas Property Code. In every case, the community estate passes charged with the debts against it.
If a person dies intestate leaving no husband or wife, it shall descend and pass in parcenary to his children in the following course:
1) To his children and their descendants.
2) If there be no children nor their descendants, then to his father and mother, in equal portions. But if only the father or mother survive the intestate, then his estate shall be divided into two equal portions, one of which shall pass to such survivor, and the other half shall pass to the brothers and sisters of the deceased, and to their descendants; but if there be none such, then the whole estate shall be inherited by the surviving father or mother.
3) If there be neither father nor mother, then the whole of such estate shall pass to the brothers and sisters of the intestate, and to their descendants.
4) If there be none of the kindred aforesaid, then the inheritance shall be divided into two moieties, one of which shall go to the paternal and the other to the maternal kindred, in the following course:
To the grandfather and grandmother in equal portions, but if only one of these be living, then the estate shall be divided into two equal parts, one of which shall go to such survivor, and the other shall go to the descendant or descendants of such deceased grandfather or grandmother. If there be no such descendants, then the whole estate shall be inherited by the surviving grandfather or grandmother. If there be no surviving grandfather or grandmother, then the whole of such estate shall go to their descendants, and so on without end, passing in like manner to the nearest lineal ancestors and their descendants.
Where any person having title to any estate, real, personal or mixed, other than a community estate, shall die intestate as to such estate, and shall leave a surviving husband or wife, such estate of such intestate shall descend and pass as follows:
1) If the deceased have a child or children, or their descendants, the surviving husband or wife shall take one-third of the personal estate, and the balance of such personal estate shall go to the child or children of the deceased and their descendants. The surviving husband or wife shall also be entitled to an estate for life, in one-third of the land of the intestate, with remainder to the child or children of the intestate and their descendants.
2) If the deceased have no child or children, or their descendants, then the surviving husband or wife shall be entitled to all the personal estate, and to one-half of the lands of the intestate, without remainder to any person, and the other half shall pass and be inherited according to the rules of descent and distribution; provided, however, that if the deceased has neither surviving father nor mother nor surviving brothers or sisters, or their descendants, then the surviving husband or wife shall be entitled to the whole of the estate of such intestate.
There shall be no distinction in regulating the descent and distribution of the estate of a person dying intestate between property which may have been derived by gift, devise or descent from the father, and that which may have been derived by gift, devise or descent from the mother; and all the estate to which such intestate may have had title at the time of death shall descend and vest in the heirs of such person in the same manner as if he had been the original purchaser thereof.
No right of inheritance shall accrue to any persons other than to children or lineal descendants of the intestate, unless they are in being and capable in law to take as heirs at the time of the death of the intestate.
In situations where the inheritance passes to the collateral kindred of the intestate, if part of such collateral be of the whole blood, and the other part be of the half blood only, of the intestate, each of those of half blood shall inherit only half so much as each of those of the whole blood; but if all be of the half blood, they shall have whole portions.
No person is disqualified to take as an heir because he or a person through whom he claims is or has been an alien.
No conviction shall work corruption of blood or forfeiture of estate, except in the case of a beneficiary in a life insurance policy or contract who is convicted and sentenced as a principal or accomplice in willfully bringing about the death of the insured, in which case the proceeds of such insurance policy or contract shall be paid as provided in the Insurance Code of this State, as same now exists or is hereafter amended; nor shall there be any forfeiture by reason of death by casualty; and the estates of those who destroy their own lives shall descend or vest as in the case of natural death.
The Nacol Law Firm PC
Law office of Attorney Mark Nacol
Serving the Dallas / Fort Worth Metroplex for over 30 years
Tel: 972-690-3333
NACOL LAW FIRM P.C.
8144 Walnut Hill Lane
Suite 1190
Dallas, Texas 75231
972-690-3333
Office Hours
Monday – Thursday, 8am – 5pm
Friday, 8:30am – 5pm
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Attorney Mark A. Nacol is board certified in Civil Trial Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization
