My Marriage is in Trouble! There is an Addict in the House!
Addiction is one of the most damaging and challenging problems spouses will ever face in a marriage. Because additive behavior touches everyone in a family, most marriages are severely damaged years before a decision is reached to end the marriage.
Most non-addictive members of a family feel helpless because they cannot stop the addict’s downhill spiral that destroys the family eventually resulting in divorce. Addiction hurts the addict, the spouse, children and extended family members.
Some Statistics on Addiction in the US
– The United States accounts for only 5% of the world’s population. However, two-thirds of illegal drugs are consumed in America.
– Approximately 14 million Americans, 7.4% of the population, meet the diagnostic criteria for alcohol abuse or alcoholism.
– Children of addicts or alcoholics are almost 3 times as likely to be verbally, physically. or sexually abused; and 4 times more likely than other children to be neglected.
– 1 in 4 deaths in the U .S. can be attributed to alcohol, tobacco, or illicit drug use.
– More than 75% of domestic violence victims report that their assailant had been drinking or using illicit drugs at the time of the incident.
– 8 million Americans have eating disorders
– 2 million U.S. citizens are estimated to be pathologically, problematic gamblers
– 1 to 2 million cocaine addicts in the US
– At least 12 million American spouses suffer from the effects from the effects of living with an addict.
All addictive illnesses are usually progressive and unless help is sought through attained rehabilitation, 12-step programs or other meaningful support, an addict will predictably continue to act in a self-destructive manner. The threat of divorce is usually not enough incentive for the addict to address their addiction.
Mental Illness and the Child Custody Case
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, an estimated 26.2 percent of Americans age 18 and older – about one in four adults – suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. This figure translates to 57.7 million people. Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time. Nearly half (45 percent) of those with mental disorder meet criteria for two or more disorders, with severity strongly related to co-morbidity. Mental illnesses are biologically based brain disorders. A diagnosed mental illness in a custody case may not only affect the eventual outcome of the case, but may also determine how counsel prepares his or her particular case strategy.
There are degrees of severity and levels of functioning with all mental disorders, and in the context of a contested custody case an extreme position can be easier for an attorney to handle. The fact finder is evaluating each parent’s ability to meet the child’s needs and the parties’ particular parenting abilities. A psychiatric diagnosis is not in and of itself a measuring tool. The specific acts of each parent must be examined in detail.
One important factor to consider is a request for psychological testing or the appointment of a counselor or psychiatrist to evaluate the parties. If the party with the mental illness has not admitted they have an illness, the results of court-ordered evaluations may force the issue and may also provide additional evidence to support a modification of temporary orders.
Counsel may want to recommend to the court that the child attend therapy. You may suggest the use of the therapist, psychiatrist, or psychologist of the person with the mental disorder for recommendations to the court of the parent’s visitation with the child.
Counsel may also want to consider a temporary injunction in addition to the standard temporary injunction for the preservation of property and protection of the parties and the children. Some issues to consider are preventing the use of alcohol within 24 hours of possession of the children; preventing the mentally ill party from operating a motor vehicle while taking medications, and preventing the parties from making disparaging remarks regarding the other party.
It is important that counsel identify and define the particular drugs the mentally ill patient is taking. Counsel should request a HIPPA Release (specifically related to mental health disclosures) allowing access to medical and prescription drug records of the mentally ill party. Research should then be performed as to the effects of each drug on the mentally ill person.
It may be necessary to have an Amicus Attorney appointed to represent the interests of the children. The Amicus Attorney has a powerful role in the contested custody case and can assist in gaining information on the mentally ill party. All parties should cooperate fully with the Amicus Attorney for the best interest of the children. It is important to make yourself available to the Amicus Attorney and to be pro-active in setting up appointments. It is important that counsel instruct you as to what to say and what not to say to the Amicus Attorney. It is also critical that counsel respond to any discovery propounded by an Amicus Attorney timely.
Be sure to educate yourself about the particular mental disorder you are dealing with. Make sure your experts have experience in handling the particular mental disorder in questions. Counsel should use the testimony of experts to offer aid and/or educate the judge and/or jury so they have a clear understanding of the mental illness and its foreseeable consequences to the spouse and/or family members.
My Mom and Dad Are Divorcing: What about Me?
Despite the inevitable difficulties all face in a divorce, children should never be used or placed in the center of the crossfire. During the divorce process, and sometimes following the divorce process, it is not uncommon for a parent to become so wrapped up in anger, vengeance or simply being “right” that they forget the effect the whole process is having on the children.
What about your child’s psychological needs during the divorce? The child is living in the middle of the economic and emotion family roller coaster with Mom and Dad battling at each end, a battle they do not want and never requested. There is much guilt, fear and confusion experienced by the child because very little is stable or normal in his/her life during this time.
The caring parent should take time to focus on their child’s situation and be very sensitive to his/her needs. The child feels very alone and is very worried about his/her own future without mom or dad, regardless of fault issues.
Remember parents: these are children, not adults. The child did not make this problem situation, but is being forced to go through this divorce and has very little say in the matter. Do not burden your child with a situation over which they have little control. Children should not feel they have a responsibility for this divorce or its outcome. Also your children should not have to deal with adult issues. Children are rarely able to fully understand adult problems.
Below are some behaviors to avoid with your child and some suggestions to assist you with improving your communications with your child during the divorce process:
- Do not use children as messengers between “mom” and “dad.”
- Do not criticize your former spouse in the presence of your children because children realize they are part “mom” and part “dad.”
- Resist any temptation to allow your children to act as your caretaker. Children need to be allowed the freedom to be “children.” Taking on such responsibility at an early age degrades their self-esteem, feeds anger and hinders a child’s ability to relate to their peers.
- Absent abuse or danger, encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Promote a good relationship for the benefit of the child.
- Do not argue with your former spouse in the presence of the children. No matter what the situation, the child will feel torn between taking “mommy’s” side and “daddy’s” side.
- At every step during the divorce process, remind yourself that your children’s interests are paramount, even over your own.
- If you are the non-primary parent, timely pay your child support faithfully.
- If you are the primary parent and are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. This feeds a child’s sense of abandonment and erodes their stability.
- Remember that the Court’s view child support and child custody as two separate and distinct issues. Children do not understand whether “mommy” and/or “daddy” paid child support, but they do understand that “mommy” and/or “daddy” wants to see me.
- If at all possible, try not to uproot your children. When a family is falling apart, a child needs a stable home and school life to buffer the trauma.
- If you have an addiction problem, whether it is drugs, alcohol or any other affliction, seek help immediately. Such impairments inhibit your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need.
- If you are having difficulty dealing with issues relating to your former spouse, discuss such issues with mental health professionals and counselors.
- Reassure your children that they are loved and that they have no fault in the divorce.
Though these steps are not all-inclusive, they will assist you in dealing with the complex issues of a divorce and hopefully minimize the impact of the divorce process on the children.
Debt Recovery Concerns
Awarding credit is a fundamental facet of American finance and worldwide business. It helps nascent companies get off the ground by providing vital capital, which in turn allows the economy to grow and business opportunities to be created. There is, however, another side to credit funding. The very nature of an individual or a company creating debt to obtain needed capital creates short and long term problems. While companies hope that their business plan is solid and promising enough to achieve cash flow and growth while allowing for repayment of their debts, the fact is that sometimes credit-driven investments do not create projected returns, making for a potentially unpleasant situation for borrowers and lenders alike. When debtors fail to repay debt as promised, more often than not the creditor will have multiple remedies under state and federal law.
During a prolonged economic recession such as the one we are now experiencing, there is a noted increase in both the frequency and promptness of debt collection. As lending companies are themselves not immune to the current recession, timely recovery of past due sums is becoming an increasingly critical consideration. Following a default, lenders should pursue reimbursement within whatever timeframe is appropriate under then relevant circumstances. Regardless of whether or not your decision comes at an inconvenient time for the indebted party, the fact remains that a lender has rights that permit prompt recovery to effectively carry out their business.
In order to properly ensure that delinquent sums due are eventually received, two useful allies are reputable debt collectors/debt collection agencies and attorneys with experience in credit/debt resolution, bankruptcy, or related areas. The two will often work in collaboration, as legal enforcement may be necessary to bring about prompt settlement. It is recommended that the debt collector you retain be local to the area where your debtor is located, as often times localized nuances of business procedures, federal, state, and city statutes, etc. can limit the effectiveness of collectors based elsewhere who are likely to be less familiar with these statutory obligations. Your attorney should be licensed in the state of the debtor.
Significantly, one must address missed payments promptly, and give careful consideration to elevating your collection efforts by turning to legal and financial professionals. Many of the rules and laws at work in the field of credit lending are highly complex, greatly increasing the possibility of errors without third party assistance. Following default, the longer you wait to take action, the more complicated the collection process can become while lowering the prognosis for successful recovery. While not all delinquent payments are the result of intentional nonpayment, the majority of them are, calling for prompt action to avoid “stale claims.” Generally, if you feel as though legal action is the next necessary step, this is very likely the case.
Nacol Law Firm P.C. – Dallas Texas Attorneys
Wedding Bells Ringing: Time to think about a Pre-Nuptial Agreement
You and your future spouse are now starting to plan your life together and will soon legally marry to become man and wife. Are there personal or family situations that should be legally addressed to enhance future happiness? What can make your legal transition easier?
More and more couples are signing prenuptial marriage agreements. The spouses are not just couples dealing with financial inequality or couples of great wealth. They are couples who want to put all their financial cards and related issues on the table before they walk down the aisle, often to avoid potentially great expense and prolonged painful litigation should the marriage fail.
Once you have decided to set up a Pre-Nuptial Agreement now where do you begin? You need to find knowledgeable attorneys who can help you with the preparation of the agreement. Attorneys? Yes! Both you and your fiancé need separate attorneys to make sure you both are fairly represented in this marital contract. This is a very serious agreement and should be considered a legal binding contract never taken lightly. Many couples wake up from their sweet wedding dream to find that the pre-nuptial agreement is far from what they wanted or thought it would be.
How to get started on your Pre-Nuptial Agreement?
1. You both must decide what goals you wish to accomplish in this agreement and what will make this marriage and your other responsibilities work for you. Will this agreement be confidential between the two parties involved in the agreement?
2. Will this agreement be a deal breaker between the couple, if an agreement can’t be reached? As a couple, there should be a discussion on what is acceptable for each party before the attorneys are contacted. If an agreement cannot be directly reached between a couple, can an agreement forged with the help and counsel of the attorneys?
3. A pre-nuptial agreement should reflect the needs and expectations of the future Mr. & Mrs. Make sure that both your lists are included and be willing to negotiate with your partner on what is and isn’t important to each of you. One partner can’t be the winner and the other the loser! This is a true pathway to a future divorce! When you reach a reasonable agreement, the attorneys will provide the work and legal wording to establish a binding marriage contract.
4 What about future earnings of each spouse? Most premarital agreements are set up to reduce the community estate. What is more import to the couple: salary or other income, such as stock dividends, income from a business, real estate rents, or bank interest?
5. Many couples agree to give the non-monied or lower income party a signing bonus, such as a lump sum of money for giving up their right to future earnings that, without the agreement, would go into the community fund. This is an important feature of a pre-nuptial agreement that may help both parties more comfortable with the agreement.
6. Many pre-nuptial agreement may also include an exit bonus in case of a potential contested divorce.
7. The expiration clause is another feature that appears in a number of pre-nuptial agreements. The agreement would expire after a certain term or condition was met. Examples could be an anniversary date or birth of a child or anything that is important enough to change or terminate the terms of the marital agreement. This expiration could affect property rights and the characterization of property acquired after the term or condition. When setting up a pre-nuptial agreement, it must be decided if the law at the time of execution or the law at the time of dissolution or death will control.
8. Many couples may use a financial structure of payments to the non-monied spouse in the premarital agreement that would relate to number of years married or numbers of children the parties have during the marriage. Incremental Payments are used as an incentive for increased satisfaction of marriage goals during the marriage. This can also be used as a lump sum of money previously agreed upon in the event of a divorce.
9. Many times there will be a Minimum Stand of Living Clause in the agreement. If there is little or no community property to support the party’s lifestyle, a contractual obligation of support during the marriage can be paid from the monied spouse’s separate estate. This would allow the non-monied spouse to live a very good lifestyle during the marriage by agreeing not to contest the property agreement in a divorce. Both spouses would enjoy an additional comfort level in the property agreement.
Last, but definitely not least…..
“The Poison Pill” Clause: What could this be? As an incentive to both parties, an “exit bonus “could be paid to the non-monied spouse in the case of divorce if the non-monied spouse would waive any contest of the agreement. The agreement would clearly state that if the non-monied spouse contests the validity of the agreement, he or she waives any and all rights to receive benefits under the “exit bonus” clause.
With the combination of the “exit bonus” and “poison pill” clauses there are additional incentive for both parties to abide by the terms of the agreement in the event of a divorce.
NACOL LAW FIRM P.C.
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Attorney Mark A. Nacol is board certified in Civil Trial Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization
